Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Good Friends, Fun times, Short shorts, Tan Lines (:
Heyy! So it's May 31st, the second official day of Summer (: It's been pretty fun so far.. I mean, Graduation basically sucked. I cried a lot and died everywhere.. because I'm just going to miss my senior friends so damn much.. but you know, it's my turn to be a Senior and take over now. I'm so excited. I have quite a few plans this summer and I can't wait to actually do some of them! This Sunday, I am spending a week in Phoenix with Nicole and Lacey. We are gonna check out Castles 'n Coasters and the mall and maybe go to Lake Pleasant :) It's gonna be great. I just wish we could leave right now!! I'm boooored. We WERE going to go Camping tonight and I totally still could if i wanted to, but last night the family got into a big fight AGAIN and i couldnt stand it so I left and went to Moms. Which I am here right now. So, I don't really wanna go camping because I'm not in the mood to. I have no idea what went down with Craig last night or anything. I just... ugh. Yeah. I kinda just wanna go work out later. Just to relieve some stress and to get some excersise. Zach Riel, Corina Schwimmbeck and I tried to go see Hangover 2 last night but freakin couldnt get in cause I lost my ID and Corina's only 15. It was shit. I'm mad. I really wish we coulda seen it. So yeah. lol. So we all just hungout and went to eat. It was fun haha. Ugh, I just wanna go have fuuuun (: lol
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Search for Happiness
Everything has just gone completely downhill. Everything was going great.. I had a dream guy that was so great.. I had a less-than dysfunctional family, and a group of amazing friends and fellow actors that I believed would do anything for me. Little did I know that less than a month after my last post to this, all of those things would crash and burn? Blake.. was shit. He had a thing with like 5 other girls and i know all he wanted was sex. I truly thought he was different... and ya know, maybe he is. But he's still a boy. And we all know how boys are. I'm pretty sad that it didn't work out... I saw him and I actually going somewhere. But it doesn't matter... i'm too good for him. I was true and real with every word I spoke to him. And he was just fake... It was all just a lie to get into my pants. Not surprising and not the first time it's happened to me.
My family I suppose hasn't been so bad. Though it hasn't been good either. Craig is still always drunk and today he passed out and left nick to take care of Hope and we all know that nick does nothing. I was at Riley's house with Lacey, LeAnn and Kylen. We had a waffle party. But then I came home and took care of her. She peepeed in the big toilet today. I was so proud :) She actually told me, "Sissy, poopoo." Then we pulled down her pull-up and peed. lol, no poop though. She's such a silly girl. But Tina's been edgy since there's been problems at work.. she's afraid that tomorrow she'll wake up and not have a job anymore. And I don't know what our family will do if that happens. She's the main source of income.. I applied at Planet Video but who knows if that'll happen or not. Psht. I hope things look up for us.
So, lately I've been feeling like everybody in theatre hates me. Besides Nicole and Lacey of course. Everywhere I walk, I get faces made at me.. and nobody ever talks to me anymore. No one invites me anywhere or shares jokes with me anymore. I haven't done anything differently than I have been doing for the past few months.. I don't know what it is. I've been having issues with John (God knows why, this time) but apparently I was "talking shit" about him and Natalie and Allie, ect. Okay? Why the fuck would I talk bad about one of my best friends? It's just completely ridiculous and something I'm not going to keep writing about because it's a total waste of time. I am so sick of the lack of intelligence and the low level of maturity that the kids in the town inhabit. I want to leave. I want to go to a new place with a fresh new start. With just my family and me. All of us need a new start. The only people (Besides family) That TRULY mean anything to me in Cottonwood is Nicole Ratley, Lacey Anderson, Alix Parker and Emilye Massaro. Everyone else can fucking suck it. I am so god damn tired of listening to your bitching about "Omg, she said THIS about me" and "NO WAY he did what?!" It's stupid and quite frankly, I'd like to live my life drama free. I'm even considering dropping theatre completely next year. I know it would help me emotionally but in a way, I think it'll fuck me up even more, emotionally. Because I want to do it so badly... but I want to give it up soo badly...
I just want a new hobby. I want to find something else that I can pour my passion into. Art? A sport? FFA? No. I don't know. I need something else... to preoccupy my time... something that I can be good at, without the kind of competition that there is in theatre. At Inductions last night, I was running for VP of atort.. and of course, Jessica Reinhart got it. Jessica beats me at EVERYTHING. She and I want all of the same things... and I don't understand why I can't win.. just one time.. For once, I want to have something. Earn something. I don't want to envy her anymore. We found out we are doing "Beauty and the Beast: The Musical" next year and it's the most amazing thing ever. But of course, little miss cocky jessica thinks that she's going to get Belle. First off, there's no competition once it comes to Ashley Knister. Ashley will definitely get Belle. Honestly, I'd rather ANYONE get it than her. To be honest, I really hope she gets Mrs. Potts. Lol. That'd be the funniest thing ever. Of course, I wish I could get Belle. But i'd actually be okay with getting the dresser. She has a fancy name but I forgot it (: I think it'd be a fun role. Beauty and the Beast is going to be fantastic. We are also doing two little plays, "Almost Maine" and I forgot the name of the other. I think they will be fun. But yeah.
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't want to say that I am desperate for a boyfriend but I am honestly so close to that point. I jsut want to be with soeone. I want to be happy. I want somebody to be here for me to make me smile and to help me feel better when I am sad. Is that so much to ask? Why cant i have that? I'm not asking for prince charming. Not even love. I need to get through a few wrongs, before I get to a right though, of course. I just want happiness.. obviously i dont need a guy to be happy, I already know that. I just feel like if I had somebody, even just to talk to, then I wouldn't feel so alone and sad all the time. Idk. One day. My patience is just running low...
I'm searching for happiness, but it must be in the wrong places.
My family I suppose hasn't been so bad. Though it hasn't been good either. Craig is still always drunk and today he passed out and left nick to take care of Hope and we all know that nick does nothing. I was at Riley's house with Lacey, LeAnn and Kylen. We had a waffle party. But then I came home and took care of her. She peepeed in the big toilet today. I was so proud :) She actually told me, "Sissy, poopoo." Then we pulled down her pull-up and peed. lol, no poop though. She's such a silly girl. But Tina's been edgy since there's been problems at work.. she's afraid that tomorrow she'll wake up and not have a job anymore. And I don't know what our family will do if that happens. She's the main source of income.. I applied at Planet Video but who knows if that'll happen or not. Psht. I hope things look up for us.
So, lately I've been feeling like everybody in theatre hates me. Besides Nicole and Lacey of course. Everywhere I walk, I get faces made at me.. and nobody ever talks to me anymore. No one invites me anywhere or shares jokes with me anymore. I haven't done anything differently than I have been doing for the past few months.. I don't know what it is. I've been having issues with John (God knows why, this time) but apparently I was "talking shit" about him and Natalie and Allie, ect. Okay? Why the fuck would I talk bad about one of my best friends? It's just completely ridiculous and something I'm not going to keep writing about because it's a total waste of time. I am so sick of the lack of intelligence and the low level of maturity that the kids in the town inhabit. I want to leave. I want to go to a new place with a fresh new start. With just my family and me. All of us need a new start. The only people (Besides family) That TRULY mean anything to me in Cottonwood is Nicole Ratley, Lacey Anderson, Alix Parker and Emilye Massaro. Everyone else can fucking suck it. I am so god damn tired of listening to your bitching about "Omg, she said THIS about me" and "NO WAY he did what?!" It's stupid and quite frankly, I'd like to live my life drama free. I'm even considering dropping theatre completely next year. I know it would help me emotionally but in a way, I think it'll fuck me up even more, emotionally. Because I want to do it so badly... but I want to give it up soo badly...
I just want a new hobby. I want to find something else that I can pour my passion into. Art? A sport? FFA? No. I don't know. I need something else... to preoccupy my time... something that I can be good at, without the kind of competition that there is in theatre. At Inductions last night, I was running for VP of atort.. and of course, Jessica Reinhart got it. Jessica beats me at EVERYTHING. She and I want all of the same things... and I don't understand why I can't win.. just one time.. For once, I want to have something. Earn something. I don't want to envy her anymore. We found out we are doing "Beauty and the Beast: The Musical" next year and it's the most amazing thing ever. But of course, little miss cocky jessica thinks that she's going to get Belle. First off, there's no competition once it comes to Ashley Knister. Ashley will definitely get Belle. Honestly, I'd rather ANYONE get it than her. To be honest, I really hope she gets Mrs. Potts. Lol. That'd be the funniest thing ever. Of course, I wish I could get Belle. But i'd actually be okay with getting the dresser. She has a fancy name but I forgot it (: I think it'd be a fun role. Beauty and the Beast is going to be fantastic. We are also doing two little plays, "Almost Maine" and I forgot the name of the other. I think they will be fun. But yeah.
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't want to say that I am desperate for a boyfriend but I am honestly so close to that point. I jsut want to be with soeone. I want to be happy. I want somebody to be here for me to make me smile and to help me feel better when I am sad. Is that so much to ask? Why cant i have that? I'm not asking for prince charming. Not even love. I need to get through a few wrongs, before I get to a right though, of course. I just want happiness.. obviously i dont need a guy to be happy, I already know that. I just feel like if I had somebody, even just to talk to, then I wouldn't feel so alone and sad all the time. Idk. One day. My patience is just running low...
I'm searching for happiness, but it must be in the wrong places.
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